I’m a late discovery adoptee and have spent much of my career working in government environments. The ‘false’ birth certificate was one of the things that I feel most aggrieved about. Especially the ‘expanded version’ that I had to pay for so I could prove my identity. That seemed ok at the time because I didn’t know I was adopted- but it felt like fraud once I knew it was fiction !
I was lucky to be given a free DNA test kit from a friend, which I used to find my birth father. Not that I got to meet him, as he died years ago. We still have no idea which brother my father is, but I have contact with that side of his whanau. I should never have been forced to go via a for profit genealogy company. I should have access to all information about my whakapapa. I also found that as a child of incest and family abuse, I was denied information held by child and family services. This information should have been given to me when I started my exploration about my adoption, especially as it would have helped support my ACC claim. I feel that there is a missed moment to expose the purported 'good' adoption was said to provide by not discussing the wider issues faced by people removed from their mother for the 'good' of the child. There will be 1000's upon 1000s of adults still living with the trauma of adoption, incest, and physical abuse. For those reasons, we should be allowed to gather all our information to help us gain access to help and support for our post trauma so that we can thrive.
I rember beliving as a child (who i might add was told I was adopted to help me live a full and productive life - one my mother could not give me) that they had adopted mesolely to abuse me and not understanding how that could have happened as adoption was meant to be 'good'.
From what little I know my birth son also suffered abuse at the hands of the adoptive parents (but to what extent he won't or can't say). I had no idea at the time (1963) that anything like that could happen - laws, state oversight and incredibly thorough vetting processes were, I believed all in place to prevent that. How naive I was.
He has not been able to register his father (now deceased) on his birth certificate. It seems little to ask but are we as a society protecting men who may not want to have their past escapades exposed? Surely not.
Kate, how awful. From my research and personal experience, abuse in the adoptive home was all too common. Adding the father to an adopted person's father to their original birth certificate will be covered in a future column. You have nailed the issue - protecting men from the consequences of their sexual behaviour - then and now.
I have two fake birth certificates. My birth mother used an alias (fake name and birth date) so my original birth certificate is also fake. On top of that, I was born to an American woman in Florida, USA and my adoption was process in Mexico to speed it up. I have Mexican adoption papers in Spanish. Sound legit? It’s all mind boggling.
I’m a late discovery adoptee and have spent much of my career working in government environments. The ‘false’ birth certificate was one of the things that I feel most aggrieved about. Especially the ‘expanded version’ that I had to pay for so I could prove my identity. That seemed ok at the time because I didn’t know I was adopted- but it felt like fraud once I knew it was fiction !
As they say: 'Oh what a tangled web we weave/When first we practice to deceive.'
Late discovery is not an easy road. I really feel for you. I cover our so called ‘original birth certificates’ next week. Happy to chat any time.
I was lucky to be given a free DNA test kit from a friend, which I used to find my birth father. Not that I got to meet him, as he died years ago. We still have no idea which brother my father is, but I have contact with that side of his whanau. I should never have been forced to go via a for profit genealogy company. I should have access to all information about my whakapapa. I also found that as a child of incest and family abuse, I was denied information held by child and family services. This information should have been given to me when I started my exploration about my adoption, especially as it would have helped support my ACC claim. I feel that there is a missed moment to expose the purported 'good' adoption was said to provide by not discussing the wider issues faced by people removed from their mother for the 'good' of the child. There will be 1000's upon 1000s of adults still living with the trauma of adoption, incest, and physical abuse. For those reasons, we should be allowed to gather all our information to help us gain access to help and support for our post trauma so that we can thrive.
You are so right. Every word!
I rember beliving as a child (who i might add was told I was adopted to help me live a full and productive life - one my mother could not give me) that they had adopted mesolely to abuse me and not understanding how that could have happened as adoption was meant to be 'good'.
From what little I know my birth son also suffered abuse at the hands of the adoptive parents (but to what extent he won't or can't say). I had no idea at the time (1963) that anything like that could happen - laws, state oversight and incredibly thorough vetting processes were, I believed all in place to prevent that. How naive I was.
He has not been able to register his father (now deceased) on his birth certificate. It seems little to ask but are we as a society protecting men who may not want to have their past escapades exposed? Surely not.
Kate, how awful. From my research and personal experience, abuse in the adoptive home was all too common. Adding the father to an adopted person's father to their original birth certificate will be covered in a future column. You have nailed the issue - protecting men from the consequences of their sexual behaviour - then and now.
I have two fake birth certificates. My birth mother used an alias (fake name and birth date) so my original birth certificate is also fake. On top of that, I was born to an American woman in Florida, USA and my adoption was process in Mexico to speed it up. I have Mexican adoption papers in Spanish. Sound legit? It’s all mind boggling.