To a point...the state wiped us clean. Still, for those of us who experienced abuse in our adopted family unit we were reminded constantly of a history - one that was rooted in female failure to get pregnant (barren women), christian doctrine (fallen women's daughters will be themselves whores) and a commodity for abuse because one is not "officially" related...trafficked object as well as the abhorrent the abjection as understood via Julia Kristeva...and I am sure many adopted peoples will identify with aspects of this...in my family I was reminded of my failing at birth and christian doctrine was used to prevent me from being my mother...alas I became worse than her a dyke an abomination of femaleness and as Stan said 'not our fault they're not my blood...the stain of illigitmacy...I think this is why I am still angry that the state deprives me / us of my / our Whakapapa so they're never answerable for the harm(s) we experienced esp those of us handed to abusers. Imagine having to suck that myth of providing a better home/upbringing....
Everything is always our fault or our mother's fault - never the blood of our fornicating fathers and never the dislocation of adoption itself. I agree with everything you say here.
I genuinely don't want to see changes to inheritance laws - there's enough suspicion that adopted kids are just out for money from families, and I'd hate to see any justification given to that by a change in laws.
But I do want recognition that Gov't policies screwed up my life as much as my birth mother getting pregnant. I also suspect it was those Gov't polices and staff that scared my birth mother stiff to "promise" to have no contact with me, which meant that I was rejected again at age 21. It's great that they now recognise that's not how it should have been done, but the scars from that are visible in my life.
How come there is compensation if people abuse children, but there is no recognition of the psychological abuse that has been inflicted on a lot of adopted people, and is still on going.
Judith, you make an excellent point. This is so true. We are mired in suspicion. And yes, your question is at the heart of it. I will cover why there is no recognition of adoption trauma (and the psychological abuse of adopted people) in a future column titled "As If."
Hilarious that we are barred from all information, in the guise of 'privacy'. I mean, didn't our birth mothers relinquish all rights over us when signing us over?!
It seems more that being denied and discriminated against is because of either antiquated mindsets STILL having too much clout, the Public Service STILL thinking they know better, or SELF INTEREST because the Government of the day will have to deal with the lies that were told by officials through either act or omission decades ago - and no one wants to admit, apologise or right those wrongs.
Its appauling that no one wants to see that this is tantamount to psychological abuse of the State - because they are protecting (mostly) dead people. Slow clap people, slow clap.
And that is a profound point. A mother can 'choose' not to mother (no matter how coerced that situation), but then she has the right to control her child's life in this one basic way—to deny them the exact authenticity she enjoys.
It would be costly if the state acknowledged it trafficked over 100,00 non-conscenting people in NZ. And there are issues around inheritance law and the role of men in every unplanned pregnancy.
And for so many of us, a literal “whitewashing” - non-dominant and historically marginalized ethnic origins disappeared in favor of the dominant… by the same people quick to “celebrate diversity.”
To a point...the state wiped us clean. Still, for those of us who experienced abuse in our adopted family unit we were reminded constantly of a history - one that was rooted in female failure to get pregnant (barren women), christian doctrine (fallen women's daughters will be themselves whores) and a commodity for abuse because one is not "officially" related...trafficked object as well as the abhorrent the abjection as understood via Julia Kristeva...and I am sure many adopted peoples will identify with aspects of this...in my family I was reminded of my failing at birth and christian doctrine was used to prevent me from being my mother...alas I became worse than her a dyke an abomination of femaleness and as Stan said 'not our fault they're not my blood...the stain of illigitmacy...I think this is why I am still angry that the state deprives me / us of my / our Whakapapa so they're never answerable for the harm(s) we experienced esp those of us handed to abusers. Imagine having to suck that myth of providing a better home/upbringing....
Everything is always our fault or our mother's fault - never the blood of our fornicating fathers and never the dislocation of adoption itself. I agree with everything you say here.
I genuinely don't want to see changes to inheritance laws - there's enough suspicion that adopted kids are just out for money from families, and I'd hate to see any justification given to that by a change in laws.
But I do want recognition that Gov't policies screwed up my life as much as my birth mother getting pregnant. I also suspect it was those Gov't polices and staff that scared my birth mother stiff to "promise" to have no contact with me, which meant that I was rejected again at age 21. It's great that they now recognise that's not how it should have been done, but the scars from that are visible in my life.
How come there is compensation if people abuse children, but there is no recognition of the psychological abuse that has been inflicted on a lot of adopted people, and is still on going.
Judith, you make an excellent point. This is so true. We are mired in suspicion. And yes, your question is at the heart of it. I will cover why there is no recognition of adoption trauma (and the psychological abuse of adopted people) in a future column titled "As If."
Hilarious that we are barred from all information, in the guise of 'privacy'. I mean, didn't our birth mothers relinquish all rights over us when signing us over?!
It seems more that being denied and discriminated against is because of either antiquated mindsets STILL having too much clout, the Public Service STILL thinking they know better, or SELF INTEREST because the Government of the day will have to deal with the lies that were told by officials through either act or omission decades ago - and no one wants to admit, apologise or right those wrongs.
Its appauling that no one wants to see that this is tantamount to psychological abuse of the State - because they are protecting (mostly) dead people. Slow clap people, slow clap.
And that is a profound point. A mother can 'choose' not to mother (no matter how coerced that situation), but then she has the right to control her child's life in this one basic way—to deny them the exact authenticity she enjoys.
It would be costly if the state acknowledged it trafficked over 100,00 non-conscenting people in NZ. And there are issues around inheritance law and the role of men in every unplanned pregnancy.
We might as well have been gestated and born in an artificial womb, a lifeform in a pod, ala The Matrix. I like that statement.
We are wiped clean of all our vicious blood and history.
And for so many of us, a literal “whitewashing” - non-dominant and historically marginalized ethnic origins disappeared in favor of the dominant… by the same people quick to “celebrate diversity.”
yes, absolutely.